Obama’s Old Car Could Drive Pizza Man From Mom’s Basement

Obama's old whip. He turned it in for a less douchey and more image friendly Ford Escape Hybrid in 2007.

The President-Elect has a new ride, but his old one could make a Chicago “pizza guy” a very rich looser.  In February of last year, the Italian food item delivery technician bought the 2005 Chrysler 300 that Obama ha owned for about three years.  Now the pizza person is selling it on eBay with an opening bid of $100,000. “EBay Experts” say the car could fetch as much as $1,000,000, that’ll buy a lot of not delivering pizza. But instead of following in footsteps of the kid from “Blank Check,” Timothy O’Boyle, the car’s current owner, says he’s going to donate some of the money to charity.  Lame.

Pimp my Ride, Presidential Edition

New president, new ride.  That’s how the Secret Service feels and this Cadillac will be President Barack Obama’s whip, debuting at Inauguration Day parade.  X-Zibit and his boyz at West Coast Customs have been working on since mid November (the entire car is made of plasma TV).  Those charged with protecting the Prez won’t give details about the car’s features, but they’re calling it “the most technologically advanced protection vehicle in the world.”   

The Detroit News, who’s hometown GM makes the limo, reports that it has five-inch thick armor, run-flat tires, bulletproof glass and a completely sealed interior to fend off a chemical attack as well as high-tech communications bling. GM has said earlier that it will have a 10-CD changer and hand stitched leather seats.  No word yet on what scent air freshener it will have, but I’m guessing it’s Power.

Pelosi Launches Kitty Cam

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi —who probably has better things to do— has launched a YouTube channel called “House Hub” that gives you a “backstage pass to the U.S. House of Representatives.”  They’re taking us way back stage with a video about Pelosi’s cats, me-ow.

[Props to Famous DC]

Transition Hits Hiccups, Illegal Nanny Asked to Burp It

Wait, I'm supposed to PAY taxes? And what are all these microphones for?

This may prove to be the most difficult day for PEOTUS Barack Obama’s otherwise seamless transition as two high level appointees are expected to face tough questions from lawmakers today.  Treasury Secretary-Designate Timothy Geithner ran into trouble yesterday when news broke that he had bungled his taxes a few years ago (read: didn’t to pay them) AND employed a nanny who was in the country illegally.  In his defense, Geithner forgot to pay $34,000 to Uncle Sam while at the IMF, which, as an international organization, doesn’t automatically deduct taxes from employees.  As for his nanny, her visa expired after she had been working for the Geithners for several years, and she was employed illegally for only a few months. 

Still, Geithner should be okay.  ”I think this is an honest mistake,” Sen. John Kerry, a member of the Senate Finance Committee,  told NBC’s “Today,” yesterday (two days before tomorrow).

But Attorney General-Designate Eric Holder may face tougher criticism from law makers, especially regarding President Clinton’s pardon of fugitive financier Marc Rich. Also in question is Clinton’s 1999 decision to grant clemency to 16 violent Puerto Rican nationalists; Sen. Arlen Specter has invited the son of a man killed by nationalists in 1975 in an attempt to derail Holders appointment, Politico reports.

Inauguration Tix Released, Smug Washingtonians Get Smugger

 

They’ll be a new divide between the “haves” and “have nots” today in Washington as Congress begins distributing tickets to The Most Important Event of All Time Ever in the History of Time Ever.  Expect to see smug grins, spontaneous dancing, and general air of superiority amongst some —while others trudge around with a McCain-like  dreariness. 

The 240,000 tickets were printed at the Government Printing Office near Union Station and have multiple high-tech security features to prevent counterfeiting (they hope really hard you don’t?).  Ticket holders are asked to arrive hours before the actual ceremony begins at 11:30 and can only enter via their color-coded gates.  So ha! We’ll be partying on the mall while you’re being intimately frisked by Bruce the Secret Service Agent and forced to stand in line for hours!

Obama Gets Some Fly New Dunks

If you’re like me, you’ve run out of room in your mom’s basement Dungeon Master’s Lair for all your Obama paraphernalia.  You’ve got your Obama plates, Obama coins and of courseObama underwear (change is coming in about 3 weeks), but now you can get a pair of Obama Air Force One sneaks.  Oh I see, just because he’s black makes you think that he would wear these ridiculously fly kicks.  I am outraged! Outraged by this pathetic stereotyping that all black men want to play basketball all day! Can I have a pair for free now?

I Thought the Inauguration Was Next week

Planners made a major error yesterday when the accidentally staged the inauguration of President-Elect Barack Obama yesterday, complete with all the trappings and security details.  They even thought this guy was Obama and made him wear a dopey sign around his neck to prove it.  Quickly trying to cover up their mistake, planners called it a “dress rehearsal,” but the inauguration isn’t a play and no one was wearing tights.

Army Staff Sgt. Derrick Brook was the Faux-Bama and gave a six word inaugural address: “My fellow Americans, God bless America!”  Deep.

Metro Farecards get Hope-ified

 

Yes you can, ride the Metro.

 

Washington went big for Obama on November 4th (93% anyone?) and now The District is commemorating Janurary 20th with new Metro fare cards.  Too bad they’ll be useless on Inaguration Day because they Metro will be more crowded than Paris Hilton’s vagina circa 2006 when she was still relevant.  Politico’s Anne Schroeder Mullins is crying “Transit Bias,” but I’m pretty sure there are no Republicans in DC who ride the Metro.

(Props to Shenanigans)

Obama: Hey George, Can I get that $350 Billion You Owe Me

And so it was written: Obama went to Pharoh’s land, let my money go.  Barack Obama has requested that the White House ask Congress to release the second half of the $700 billion financial rescue package.  The TARP, as it is known by those in pinstriped suits, was supposed to be the Bailout to End all Bailouts (woops).  Earlier today, President Bush said that Obama hadn’t yet asked him for the money; but a few hours later, when some Obama-Bruisers cruised up the white house with baseball bats and tire irons, the outgoing Bush team relented, lest they loose their knee caps.

Barack’s Chili Bowl

Ahead of his inauguration, Barack Obama got a feel for his new neighborhood, scoping out some places to grab late night drunken munchies after tying one over on U Street. Like many who have come before him, the President-Elect found Ben’s Chili Bowl.  And like me last Saturday night, he tried to steal a baby or two.  Unfortunately, for me, I didn’t have DC Governor Mayor Adrian Fenty with me and am now writing this post from baby-sealer jail.  Why, do they have to be so damn cute?!

Ben’s's owner, Nizam Ali (oddly not named Ben…), invited the Obamas for a free meal after the election, but the future Prez payed for his and Fenty’s meal —a Half-Smoke and an iced tea for Obama; a turkey dog, cheese fries and bottle of water for Fenty.  A couple, who had just arrived in our nation’s capitol from Kansas City, told the Times:“we had a bunch of other things planned, but we can go home now.”  Ben’s is just that good.