Obama: Hey George, Can I get that $350 Billion You Owe Me

And so it was written: Obama went to Pharoh’s land, let my money go.  Barack Obama has requested that the White House ask Congress to release the second half of the $700 billion financial rescue package.  The TARP, as it is known by those in pinstriped suits, was supposed to be the Bailout to End all Bailouts (woops).  Earlier today, President Bush said that Obama hadn’t yet asked him for the money; but a few hours later, when some Obama-Bruisers cruised up the white house with baseball bats and tire irons, the outgoing Bush team relented, lest they loose their knee caps.

Porn Industry Wants Government Bailout (Hard)

Finally, a bailout I can get behind (and in the front, and on the side. Oh yeah, I know how to do sex!)  Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and ‘Girls Gone Wild’ founder Joe Francis want $5 billion of Uncle Sam’s soon-to-be-useless dollars to bailout the “adult entertainment industry” (I’m pretty sure that means pornos), CNN reports.  ”Everyone and their mother want to be bailed out[,] from the banks to the big three,” Flynt spokesman Owen Moogan said. 

“With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind,” Flynt explained. “It’s time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly.”  Finally, someone is standing up for the perverts!